Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
