i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
