Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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