she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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