I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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