obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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