i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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