oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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