no, he came in my armpit
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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