I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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