There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
