How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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