When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
