Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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