You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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