True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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