How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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