bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
