I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
