I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
