we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
