just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
