Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize