we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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