hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
