I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
