If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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