The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
