I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
