don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
