What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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