it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
