Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
