i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
