ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
