just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone shattered a urinal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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