Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
