i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
