They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
