I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
