Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
