spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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