He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
