dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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