even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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