when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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