I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
where are my eyebrows?
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