i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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