I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
