He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
