My liver just broke up with me...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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