White coat. Heels.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
