They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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